is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
