Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
