my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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