Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
