A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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