Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize