I love black thongs
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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