I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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