I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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