I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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