Im at strip club and am horny
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
