As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
