My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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