im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
