I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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