I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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