Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
