Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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