batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
