you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
