Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just forgot I was standing up.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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