1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
