wakey wakey hands off snakey
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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