I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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