do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
