What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
