Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
