got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
