doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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