beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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