I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
try to milk me bitch
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