She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
