I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
