i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
