peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
