At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
