I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
is it fun? or sober?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
