do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
