I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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