Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
