I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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