I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my phone needs a breathalizer
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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