my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
