So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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