why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
