just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
