we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
