I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
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dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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