we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
