True but thats because hes a fetus.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Randomize