WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
