do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
