I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize