I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
