If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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