standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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