how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Olympian is in my bed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Shame is for Republicans.
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