You're completely useless in the revolution.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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