The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
