My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize