I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
