Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
